Sunday | August 12th, 2007
Some pictures are worth a thousand words. This one is worth two, “Holy Fuck”. Doesn’t Steve have handlers that look at these slides before showing them to the public? Couldn’t he at least have the decency to put a tiny little sliver in there and call it “other”? Steve has been outed before as Bill Gates Jr. but he has crossed the line this time. The scary part is that he’s not talking about making Safari popular. This is a death threat. If you use Firefox, Opera or anything else other than Safari and Internet Explorer you will not exist in his future. Maybe that means you will have an accident, maybe you’ll get mugged and stabbed to death. He’s not making any predictions, he’s just letting you know that “accidents happen”. Thanks, but no thanks.
Non-smokers love clean air. They’re practically nuts about it. But only when they don’t have to do anything for it, other than whining of course. They expect everyone else to put forth effort and change their actions while they do nothing. Well, if you want clean air, non-smokers, this is your solution.
Thanks to terrorism these babies are dirt cheap, yet non-smokers are too lazy to wear them. They would rather force new legislation so that other people conform to their expectations. Can you believe how selfish these fucking pricks are? If you don’t have a gas mask or oxygen tank rolling around with you then shut the fuck up about secondhand smoke. You had the chance to avoid it but you were too lazy to do so. I feel no pity for people too lazy to help themselves. They deserve whatever they get.
It’s the same thing with cars. These non-smokers have the gall to drive by me while I’m smoking outside and make coughing noises, then drive off leaving a cloud of exhaust fumes behind them. How can you say you care about clean air while driving around a smoke stack on wheels? At least my cigarettes are produced inside the country. At least I’m not letting our youth get slaughtered overseas just so I can smoke a cigarette.
But Jimmy, I’m not driving my car into the bar where you are trying to breathe.
No, but I just might if you fuckers keep forcing me to go outside and freeze my nuts off while you sit on your fat asses and swill poison. Yea, you’re a bunch of fucking health nuts getting drunk in a bar at 11AM. Which makes me ask, if you don’t like non-smokers so much, why the fuck are you so desperate to hang out with them? Go somewhere else, like your house, or is whining to your cats not as satisfying as a real person?
When you slap these fucking dopes in the face with logic they tend to come back at you with half-thought out ideas like, “cars are essential, smoking isn’t”. Have you never heard of walking? You lazy piece of shit. Humans have been smoking a hell of a lot longer than they’ve been driving cars yet suddenly these assholes just “gotta have one”. Well I can understand, it doesn’t feel right talking on your cell phone unless you’re strapped into two tons of steel paying minimal attention to the smokers you just ran over on that last turn.
If you refuse to filter your air before you inhale it, you have no one else to blame but yourself. Stop with this fucking self-entitlement bullshit. It doesn’t exist. Take some personal responsibility, you whining maggots.
It’s early evening. You and your spouse are sitting in the living room. You’re watching TV and your spouse is reading a magazine. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. It’s a man in a white coat. Behind him is an ambulance with two paramedics unloading a gurney. There appears to be a sick old man on it. His eyes are closed and he’s barely breathing. Your gaze turns to the man in the white coat as he begins to speak. He tells you that he is from the health department. The old man they are unloading is your uncle, your last living relative. You didn’t even know he existed but it turns out to be the truth.
The man from the health department begins to explain that due to extreme overcrowding there is no longer any room for your uncle at the nursing home. Under a new law, you will be forced to care for him. You must feed him, bathe him, clean his bed sores, change his diapers and pay all his bills. If you don’t, no one else will and he will die. If that happens, you will be arrested for neglect and wrongful death. If you do care for him, your life will be ruined. All your savings will be depleted, you will have to work an extra job and there will be no time for children because caring for your sick uncle is a full time job.
As you start to feel sick, the man from the health department tells you that there is another option. They will euthanize him and no one will be responsible for him. He will no longer feel pain and you can continue your life as normal.
If this sounds like a nightmare choice, you would be justified in that opinion. You would also have some idea what it’s like to be a single pregnant woman deciding on abortion. The question isn’t about when life begins. The question we must ask is, can society rightfully force you to be responsible for another person’s life? Even if it means sacrificing part of your own?
How can we say parents have the right to decide whether or not to bring a life into this world but they have no right to undo it. What is the difference between having sex, becoming pregnant and aborting the fetus before birth than simply not having sex in the first place? Both end up in the loss of a “potential birth”. Wouldn’t that make it wrong to not have sex constantly? Not that I have anything against that. I just think it’s inconsistent.
That would be today’s headline if it wasn’t for the courage displayed by one man that stood up against a cold-blooded murderer. Finally we know that our streets are safer because a would-be killer is out there on an empty stomach. No longer will he be able to lift his knife without the much-needed nourishment he was so justly denied. Well done sir.
At least, I’m thinking that is what the idiot Jeff Ruby had in mind. I’m sure he thinks he’s some fucking hero because he refused service to someone that was found acquitted of criminal charges. Meanwhile, the real scum, the business men assholes, sit there and stuff their faces with food bought with blood money. Who the fuck is some steakhouse owner to judge anyone? If the state can’t squeeze the civil lawsuit money out of O.J. then tough shit. It’s not the place for every restaurant owner and gas station clerk to pass judgment on their customers. What the fuck is the point of our legal system then? Those we convict are fucked, those we set free are then convicted in the court of public opinion and are still fucked anyways.
The only reason to deny service would be if the customer posed a danger to others. Does anyone really think O.J. was going to snap and start stabbing people? The odds are really slim on that one. Besides, if that did happen, it would have one of two results. Either someone would have a gun handy and blow his brains out or at least we’d have enough witnesses this time to convict the bastard. The only threat O.J. could possibly pose is to people that are already dead. So, what’s the point?
Instead, we are more interested in petty bullshit revenge like this. To imply that missing a meal is punishment for a double murder is beyond asinine. If O.J. was guilty of committing the murders then he got away with it. Just deal with it and stop trying to tweak the system every time someone slips through the cracks. Let’s move on and start hunting down the killers that are still out there. People that cause the death of thousands of Americans, for example, the President.
Oh yea, I’m sure G.W. could get a seat there. Not that he’d want to eat that shitty peasant food. Nevertheless, he would be welcomed with open arms. Along with the white-collar embezzler fucks and anyone else that pays someone else to kill instead of getting their hands dirty.
He played the game and won. Don’t be a sore loser.
I just named three comedians that are funnier than Joe Rogan. Notice I didn’t say original. That’s because none of them are quite original. They were all done better and earlier by Bill Hicks, Brian Regan and every racist-voice comedian before. Carlos Mencia is the Hispanic version of Dat Phan, one of the most annoying and at the same time tragically hilarious comedians.
All comedians have similar material because all comedians are human. The fact that two individuals can come up with similar ideas separately should not be a surprise to anyone. The reason observational humor is funny is because it covers topics that are common to all of us. It’s funny because it’s true. It’s also possible for more than a single person on the planet to discover these common and true things.
Yes there are joke thieves but they are few and far between. It’s not a case of plagiarism every time two comedians tell similar jokes. Even when it is, we the audience don’t need to be told about it. We know how to spot lame hacks just fine. Just because a few mediocre comedians are successful is no reason to think we need crusaders like Joe Rogan picking pointless fights for a little attention. Yes people have bad taste but so what? If they’re too stupid to recognize the difference between the original and an imitation then there is no hope for them. Stop analyzing every stand up routine ever performed and trying to prove Carlos Mencia is a thief. It doesn’t matter, his act sucks anyways. Nobody cares who he stole it from. He did them a favor in my opinion. Besides, I’ve seen Joe Rogan’s act. I’d rather listen to the “dee dee dee” song than watch Joe Rogan fumble over his hammy jokes and argue with the audience. The saddest part is that they bill him as “Fear Factor’s Joe Rogan”. That’s his only claim to fame. No one remembers him as the janitor on News Radio. He’s just wandering around the country now, trying to hang on to what’s left, hoping someone will give him an extension on his career. I don’t think it’s happening. I hope Joe Rogan, Pauly Shore and Gilbert Gottfried pool their money and rent a bus together because they’re all going to be touring the circuit for a very long time. I’m sure the simple minded tough talking closet homosexuals on Joe Rogan’s forums would tell you otherwise but then again, what the fuck do they know?